(I've been on hiatus for a while owing to my commitments to the armed forces, coupled with the temptation to sloth, but I'll try to put something decent up here)

Being stripped of the title as a "civilian" has been an utterly humbling experience. It's uncanny how one can simply lose a birth entitlement, to be relegated from an individual with basic and fundamental rights as a human to a slave of the rank hierarchy and an obedient (at least expected to be) disciple of the commanders in Pulau Tekong. It makes you cringe when such basic rights are turned into privileges that you earn for yourself as opposed to safeguarding these entitlements. Nonetheless, through this humbling process, I have given much thought to the concept of freedom and the reasons people crave so much to be free.

Like all things else really, freedom is only deemed particularly desirable in its absence. As humans, we err and we continually fail to pay gratitude or appreciate the things we have around us and we constantly bring shame to our lives by complaining about elements that we are sorely lacking from our already-comfortable and almost-perfect livelihoods. It is to the same extent that we regard freedom as just another entity which we deserve and have inevitably taken for granted. Save the individuals who have had their liberties stripped (as in the case of NSFs), Singaporeans as we are are hardly aware that they desire freedom; rather, they acknowledge that they have it and that's that. But subconsciously and by principle of politically correct teachings, we all somewhat accept that freedom is a gift that everyone should embrace and never undermine (throw in the myriad of examples from our current affairs) but it is not altogether true that freedom is a concept that is pure and untainted as it is usually portrayed. Incontrovertibly, the idea of being free will subvert that of slavery and being under lock down any day, yet it is neither true that being free comes without a price.

In all sense of being ironic, freedom doesn't come free albeit containing a prefix that suggests so.

Nothing in this world where capitalism is the new zeitgeist comes without a monetary value and freedom is not free form this captivity either. When we are said to bask in freedom, we are given the entitlement and privilege to choose. We are free to decide what we want to do, what we want to wear, where we want to go, how long you want to sleep for, who you make friends with and almost everything falls under your purview and control. But it is contradictory that when the weight of such decisions falls upon your should with full credit to 'freedom', we are burdened with the responsibility of making wise and right choices for ourselves. It is true that in the pure notion of freedom, the young and wild and perhaps innocent children of the world can blindly pursue their interests because it is their privilege and a right to some. But we cannot be so naive as to think that repercussions do not affect our 'freedom' in the long run. In fact, when first gifted with 'freedom', one has to make sane and rational decisions in order to best preserve this privilege lest he might lose his 'freedom' before he even gets to soak in the atmosphere. It is such that 'freedom' is very much like the 3 wishes genies are said to bestow on whoever releases it from whatever mystical object it may be. With the exception of the loophole of requesting for more wishes, the wishes are in fact a facade that on face-value, give people the impression that they have the freedom to wish for anything they want. Truth is, that only lasts for 3 turns and whatever happens from then on is ultimately determined by the 3 preceding wishes. Living in the moment of freedom can lift our spirits immensely but that is very much short-lived. In some sense, freedom is like a drug that tempts us to use it but we must act cautiously and play our cards wisely.

Perhaps this is just a consolation to myself given my state in the army, trapped within the discipline and regimentation, but maybe being a conformer may not be as bad as it sounds. For one, there is the perk of not having to make a decision and thus the fault of any bad choice cannot fall on your shoulders. You are free from responsibility and that in itself is a form of freedom. And still gifted with the idea of freedom, we can never be completely free from our worries and the problems of the world.