Sometimes I don't even know who (or what) I see through the looking glass. It is a manifestation of unholy sights and most certainly a reflection of my metamorphosis. Sometimes I hear the calls of the wild and they beckon me to join their ranks, for I am nothing more than wildebeest, grazing through time in an endless search for nothing that is worth clamoring after. I look into the mirror, and I no longer recognize what I see, albeit pristine and untainted on the surface, the inexplicable clarity merely exacerbates and exaggerates what isn't normally seen. It is as though you were standing stark naked in the streets, your nude figure on display to the whole world for examination (purportedly so), and you scramble to gather every last piece of clothing, scraps of paper or the fallen shards of your dignity to piece together what made you whole before. And that's when you look back into the mirror, and realize there is nothing to be afraid of, not when the monster comes from within, not when the shattered pieces of your self-respect and dignity flows from the cascade of your wrongdoings, not when you have control over yourself.

So, new year, new resolutions = new me?

And that's where everybody goes wrong.

There is hardly basis for us to draw up an entire list of resolutions that only serve to further complicate who we are and who we are striving to become. Frankly, there's no real distinction between the two categories of individuals if we consider who we actually and naturally are as opposed to who we desire to grow into. Everybody is born a human, and that makes us equal in morality and virtues. Yet, we end up as indistinguishable creatures, a race of laudable diversity and yet, a corollary of the chaotic world we are nurtured in--a mess over time, one that leaves us dusted in ruins and looking for someone new to become. It is most ironic that we born with the same identity and birth form but within our own natural environments, we undertake starkly different pursuits and end up as we are today--the good, the bad and the ugly. We are very well familiar with 'the good and the bad' and yet we often overlook the fact that 'the ugly' is a generic reference to humanity as a wholesome entity. How different are the vigilantes and the criminals when they both reach out from the shadows and return to the same darkness from whence they came? How different is a morally upright businessman who has had the fortune of landing himself in a secure job and that of a criminal who betrays his humane self for the survival and interests of his family? We are all naturally ugly and we desire to be humane. That being said, the two aren't exactly mutually exclusive. To be ugly is to be willing or at the very least, bear the propensity of challenging our moral precepts and beliefs in a bid to do what is right, which is very much so ironic and paradoxical. In other words, being ugly is to be willing to be bad to do good, and that makes the bad good and the good bad; we aren't all that different really. And in that sense, to be awfully and naturally human, is to disfigure the concept of doing good and reconstruct the notion of being bad--which makes it altogether a messy and utterly ugly conclusion. With all that being said, we, as humans, are all born to be naturally good, but the paths we choose to take to get to that good is undefined.

So the truth is this: there is no need to resolve to be an entirely new person as the new year ushers itself in. Rather, we should resolve to be who we naturally are and that makes things so much easier does it not? Cancel that long list of resolutions you drew up (perhaps for a perfunctory purpose) and just replace it with one simple commitment--I resolve to be true to myself. For me, whether you do good or do bad is of secondary importance, but what is important is that you stay ugly and remain true to yourself. It is oftentimes that we think we are 'ugly' by being who we are but that reflection we see in the mirror is not how others perceive us. When you stay true to your character and live an honest, self-righteous life, nobody can judge you for being ugly without themselves disfiguring their moral backbone.

It is a rather convoluted argument but not as contrived as you would imagine.

So for this year, I am going to try to be as true to myself as I can, without putting in the extra bit of effort to be someone else. I am swearing off commitment to everyone but myself.

This year, no more honey mustard.