Quiet footsteps can be deafening when tranquility sucks your soul dry. Nothing but the bleached walls that cave in, a cell containing cells at work, much more determined to escape than to excel. It is a queer thing to ask one how one does so well academically because while the end result is often well-acclaimed, the process can be unexpectedly grueling.

And so I am an unwitting and much so unwilling participant of this mental torture. It is wonderful to bathe in a pool of accolades now and then, recede from the shock wave of failure and to embrace a multitude of triumphs. But to be pressured to accomplish an ostensibly impossible feat multiple times is just pushing the limits. And to have no choice but to conform to my own expectations is the misery of a thousand and the desperate cry of a single man.

Perhaps you never expected the story of success to take on such a melancholic and depressing note but that's really just the tip of the iceberg. It goes beyond me to express the torture in words sometimes. Suicidal thoughts are a leap away but the window always beckons with a subtle calling that is jarring to the ears. To want to escape and run away for good but to time and time again end up running about in circles is most unfortunate.

That is not to say you should worry. As long as I continue to get what I think I deserve, then all is well.