Breathe in. Breathe out.


What seemed like an eternity is finally over and thank God for that. CTs have really been a rather unique experiment that is very much distinct in its nature. Most notably, the ironic but sad fate of studying your holidays away has finally ceased and I've (successfully? who's to know) crossed the first hurdle of tertiary education and frankly, it doesn't feel all that right.

Just somehow, I walked out of that exam hall today with the sole knowledge that the common tests were finally over. Just the facts, no emotions. It was a blank slate and things kinda seemed the same. Maybe it's the instantaneous realization and coming into terms with the cold hard truth--that life moves on. Already, tomorrow's packed with all sorts of meetings and I'm not really sure the stress has subsided. Or maybe it's because of you.

You know, times like these I just wished I didn't feel. I wish feelings were like a gene that could so easily repressed with the synthesis of a corresponding protein. If not life were like biology, organized into the discrete sub-cellular organelles each with its own specific function, oblivious to the rest, faithful to itself. And when the time is right, said proteins can be degraded and feelings can be re-expressed again.

Pray tell, how can something be so beautiful and yet so unnerving at the same time?

If I didn't feel, I wouldn't know--know how it's like to be young and free, strangled by the carefree nature of mischief and curiosity; know what it's like to be hurt, lost in the trenches of rediscovery and self-fulfillment; know when others need me, and when I need others; know who to look for and why; and know that the answer to how those questions is you.