I'm tired. Really tired. Just not sleepy. Haven't had insomnia for a really long time and I'm not sure why it's back this time. Ok, who am I kidding? I know very well the reason behind tonight's sleepless fiasco. Dissecting the problem doesn't help. It just makes it more blatant and apparent, so the whole world can gaze upon and pretend to marvel.

The struggle to rise is over. Nearly. And the fact that it's close to finishing doesn't change the fact that it isn't over as of now. The notification has flooded me, gushing through the haywire, dysfunctional system of confounding proportions. Everything suddenly poured out. Just two days back, all hope was lost and the world seemed so dim. And yet within second, everything was reignited with a sense of hope; chance. But it's the same light that blinds me, that erodes my moral backbone and robs me of my beauty sleep. And some part of me agrees with this punitive measure; I deserve to go sleepless for this one night.

The thoughts that run through my head-it's frightening and damaging. I know now why they call a herd of lions a pride. No beast more magnificent can embody the characteristics of pride, so fearsome and yet commanding of awe. Pride used to be a hallmark of success, a pillar of excellence, a reward served on the same gold platter. But I have manipulated it, and it has contorted me. I struggle to break free sometimes but sometimes, I just succumb and give in. Like now. But I'm not contented going on like that, hence my decision to break free from its captivity first by releasing my stress.

4.15am. Time sure moves slower than it drains my wearied soul.

My head is beating, I can feel it. thumpa thumpa. I don't really know what comes after that; it's all a giant blur.

If I lose myself, promise me you'll help me find my way back.