Nice guys. Finish last?

I don't know and perhaps, I don't care. Someone told me today that I'm a d*ck. I deliberated for a second but nothing came out. It was a moment of "silence means consent", an epiphany that takes you miles away from the situation.

I was told that I used to be nice. Nice--it's one of those words we use so comfortably but really, to each his own a perceptive definition that tweaks the concept behind being "nice". To some, "nice" is just when you're not naughty. Others believe "nice" is the proactive state of being helpful and selfless. Simply put, nice things are always welcomed and they give a pleasant experience.

Whatever.

It's difficult to be nice. If you're shaking your head, you're pretentious. People always exclaim that it's so wonderful to be benevolent or generous, or in other words, nice. I don't really understand how those two conflicting ideas amalgamate as one.

Frankly, I believe that it's difficult to be nice. It's takes a whole deal of energy out of me to act nice. I say act, because nobody's naturally nice, trust me.

But just because it's emotionally taxing, doesn't make it less worthy to be done. I just need you to know that at times, it's not wrong not to be nice, because it's always better off being true to yourself. Not being nice doesn't make you not nice, it just puts you in a neutral stance--a time to cool off, regain some steam.

Nice guys, finish last--but at least they finish.

It's time for me to change. Again.