Other times I just stare blankly because I'm too afraid to see and to acknowledge.

And just as the most dangerous place is often the safest, I am never a safe haven for too long without leaking signs of weakness. Nothing, with the exception of religious figures, is omnipresent--not even good for that matter. The triumph and victory that came with good never lasted.

And sometimes, I just despise my character because I can be so devious, scheming, cunning.

Sometimes, I can be such a bastard.

Because the heart is never pure and if you read this, unless you know you are one of my good friends (no not even then), don't trust me. If words were my reflection, it would be a sea of synonyms, in awe and in fear, the gracious and the despicable, the angelic and the demonic.

Sometimes, the wind rustles and you don't hear but I cursed.

Sometimes, you turn your back and the finger raised, but you missed it.

The times I go back on the things I believe in?

Here and now. Even then.

Friendship is a fragile component of my life and for that I despise myself.

If you ever thought you were close enough to be called a 'good friend', don't even start with the second word.

When evil transcends love, and blood brothers transgress to a blood bath.

It's these things that make me who I ain't.

It's these things that compromise my facade and make me hate myself.

Sometimes, I exhibit repugnant characteristics.

But all the time, I struggle to suppress it.