I really do wish the feelings came rushing back, but emotions make me sad, they cause hurt and damage, unnecessary pain and ever so painful love. I take this sacrificial step of ridding the joys of affection and love to cower from the damage that it may wrought but it hurts deeper when I can't feel anything.

Nietzsche philosophized a life of eternal occurrence, but it cannot just stay as a perception, let it take on a cosmological truth and transform our lives forever. Maybe it would hurt to relive the same day over and over again but right now, it hurts more to go on with life. My nails are going to disintegrate if I hold on any tighter and it's any moment now I have to let go. But I want to release my grip with the knowledge that I am free from tradgedy, free from pain, because I will be given another chance and so I have complete freedom. And when I am entrapped within this eternal cycle, will I long to break free from freedom?

Spare me the paradox, because you don't decide this... humans don't have the power to change this...

Well, not you anyway...

Really?