I have been living a lie. My days as a full-time national serviceman (NSF) is undoubtedly numbered and for the most part of my tenure as a soldier, I have believe that National Service is unequivocally indispensable and integral in preserving our country's national security and defence. I have also held strongly to the belief that as a corollary of the aforementioned premise, NS is incontrovertible a meaningful 2 years for all Singaporean sons, regardless. But recent events have reshaped my understanding and perception of NS. Whilst I still strongly assert that NS is important and that importance should never be downplayed, I have learned to accept the fact that sometimes, NS can be a waste of time.

It is humbling knowing that I have individuals under me who struggle with much more pressing issues at hand and still find the will within themselves to drag their heavy feet out to the field. I used to lament about people who "choose" not to go outfield despite being marked as a soldier. It was easy to pin their decision on a deliberate lackadaisical attitude or just simply a lack of motivation. And precisely so, those are the genuine reasons cited by the servicemen themselves, though more oft than not misinterpreted as a calculated lack of interest in their duties as a means to spite others. But if you search hard and deep enough, the backstories that lay the foundation of their broken verve to serve will become more than just apparent.

How can I blame someone who recognizes that NS is a means to build national defence for a larger cause of protecting his own loved ones when the duty to call compromises on his physical presence against a troubled family landscape? How can I even deign to understand or empathize with someone who, albeit shares the same age as me, has reached a stage in life that demands the maturity of a parent? How could I have been so naive as to think that every soldier can appreciate the irrefutable need for NS while they fight their own shadows and demons against a starkly different social alley?

I have thus learned to reconfigure the way I portray NS to others. Indeed, theoretically and very much ideally, NS is exactly what I had perceived and hoped it would be. But the harsher and bigger truth is that as much as it may be indispensable, it is also unfortunately a blatant waste of time for many individuals. And that is something that is inherent in this conscript system and we cannot lay blame to anyone or anything. What is important is to rise above that flaw and recognize that although NS can be a waste of time, it is also an honorable sacrifice that many have still chosen to undertake despite their preconceived notions of it. And the more they feel that it is a waste of time, the conscious decision to participate in it, even if it is subject to their own discretion, makes it all the more noble and humble a sacrifice.

And that in itself is the true beauty of service.